So where to from here?

Ok so I'm beginning to get an idea of what I learned (although that will always change and grow) and I think I have (somewhat of) a handle on how I've been affected by it all

The question (as K often likes to ask me) is: So, what?

I've had this experience, it's affected me, I believe it was an inspired and deliberate one. What am I now going to do differently as a result of it?

Steve is K's old pastor. He blogs here and often about some quite heady topics to do with church and faith and leadership but on this occasion in particular he posted this which explores the question of what do you do about those less fortunate than yourself?

This I think is relevant to me right now.

I often trip myself up before I start. I think I should respond and then I ask - how much should I respond? How far should I go - like I posted a few weeks ago - do I sell all and become a missionary?

And the final result is that I tend to make it all too hard and do nothing - which is the worst outcome

Perhaps the answer is just to respond. To do one thing differently and see where that goes?

Unlike one of the objections in the linked video above I really don't believe I don't have to do anything. Of doing something, I am convinced, this is a must.

We had a sponsor child finish up last year - he finished school and went to a tertiary Tourism training school. We have 2 others and I thought - well two is probably enough because we just had a baby

But maybe it's not. I may not be ready to sell all now but if I start small?

An idea taking shape

I haven't been sleeping much recently - the plus side has been that I have been thinking more

As I was rocking Brea back to sleep in the wee small hours the other day I had another thought about the trip and it's outcome for me

As a part of filming the trip I recorded video diaries of my thoughts in response to the things I saw and did. Because I thought the documentary I intended to make was about seeing experienced people in action thru the eyes of naive and inexperienced eyes a lot of my musings were on the overseas workers.

I was reluctant to use the term "Xn" or "Missionary" - partly for security reasons - but largely because I had an uneasy feeling about those terms.

I think the main source of my unease is that the history of Xn missions in the world is not always pleasant. There were the unintentional side effects (like influenza) and downright nasty ones (like annexing of lands and marginalising of cultures and peoples)

I was never really sure about my reasons for going on the trip. To a large extent it felt like (and still does) poverty tourism - but despite that I really felt sure I should go. Something inside me compelled me to look beyond that and actually go.

I think now I'm beginning to see why.

I maintain that people of all walks of life and faith are equally important to God. That all people, regardless of label, have something useful they can teach me because He regards them all and works in all their lives - and consequently I can be of service to them by the same logic.

The history of mission (to some extent) has been about "us vs them". But what I have desired to see is "journeying together". And I can see now that that is what the overseas workers in these places are trying to do.

To live amongst the people. To learn. And to serve.

And this has rekindled my hope. A hope that I'm not alone in this desire. That it's not wrong. That I am on a (sometimes painful) journey to a new way of thinking and it's an inspired one.

That nagging wondering about why i was supposed to go there has begun to have an answer...